Barcelona
Barcelona was supposed to be a solo trip for me…
But then I suddenly realized that going solo there wouldn’t have felt right. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how time passes so quickly. I’ve been wanting to spend more time with family. And it occurred to me that my mother has only been to this country, and the place of her birth.
So, the trip changed; it became a mother-daughter one, and I’m grateful.
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Alberta Bound
It finally happened – I made it to Calgary.
During COVID, I meant to go, but with pandemic numbers spiking at the time, I pulled out. Then, years later, I planned a group trip there, but there were some very competing priorities and then everything got especially jumbled up when a health scare hit my family.
So, with two failed trips, I sort of put the trip on the back burner.
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M&M’s
“I won’t cheat on you, but I’ll steal your M&Ms.”
I once skimmed some memes online and came across one with that caption. I smiled a goofy smile because I knew I had never been more seen.
For starters, let’s state the obvious: M&Ms are pretty bleeping amazing. For a long time, they were my favourite little snacky.
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Grief
Picture it: you’re doing well in life by almost every metric. You live in a place with clean air and water. You have freedom and the right to vote. You have a loving family and circle of friends. You have a car and a job that pays for it. You’re happy – most of the time. But then one day, without any obvious reason, you’re crying on a bench in a crowded coffee shop. You’ve just been ambushed by your grief.
Grief is an interesting emotion and experience in life.
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Connections
Hi friends! You can’t see, but I’m totally waving right now…
Today, I wanted to do something a little different. Since joining the site, I’ve shared my experiences somewhat in a vacuum. However, since spiritual growth so often comes in union with others, I wanted to use a blog post written by Pawel, which really left me feeling inspired and energized to add to a conversation here.
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Perfect Victims
“You’re such a sweetheart” he said as he moved his hands from my back to my knee. I hadn’t initially seen him coming. I was eating dinner at a new firm that I started working at.
I was 23 and just beginning to work in psychometry. This was my first time meeting all of the colleagues at a holiday party and I wanted to make a good impression.
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2025
Welcome to 2025, friends!
By now, I’m sure that many people have asked you what your resolution is. Oh, what’s that? You’re interested in mine? Okay, I’ll share!
For 2025…
I have no resolution. The truth Is that I don’t really do that whole thing…
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Let Them
When I was completing an internship in my early twenties, I had a conversation with a fellow intern and she loathed the word “let”. To be fair, she hated it in a particular context. She was really opposed to people saying things like “don’t let that person treat you like that”. She felt statements like that could be victim-blaming in nature.
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Build It
Today, I wanted to talk about biking – and about something that really grinds my gears. Get it?
*hold for laughter and applause*
Okay, then.
Lately, politicians in the province that I live in have been making it a point to demonize bike lanes.
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Travel Woes
About a year-and-a-half ago, I made a spontaneous decision to book a trip out West with a friend and a few strangers. I thought it would be fun and adventurous. I was wrong.
Using my experience, I thought I would share with you what went wrong – so you can avoid the same mistakes if you wish.
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Boundaries
When the Barbie blockbuster hit the screen everywhere, women all over were declaring what type of “barbie” they’d be. There’s Sporty Barbie, Career Barbie, Family Barbie… and then there’s me: Boundary Barbie.
Stick with it. It’s going places.
In all seriousness, the subject of boundaries is one that I’ve wanted to unpack for a while.
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Step It Up
“I’m going to walk 35,000 steps today.” For some reason, that was the first thought that entered my mind when I blinked my eyes open the other morning.
Several years ago, I bought a fitbit to track my steps occasionally, and to properly take part in a work step challenge. Since I enjoy nature walks, hitting the so-often recommended 10,000 steps a day wasn’t a problem.
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1-2-SPIN!
Several years ago, a friend invited me to a spin-cycle class. I had been going to the gym at that point a couple of times a week with a different friend, but always steered away from group fitness experiences since I thought it would be more comfortable to make things up as I went for myself.
Nonetheless, I thought I would try and challenge myself by doing something outside of my comfort zone.
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Mostly Plants
“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly Plants,” – Michael Pollan
Last year, I was having a conversation with my friend when she surprised me by saying, “by the way, I know I haven’t done something for your birthday yet. I’m just trying to pick the perfect experience for you because I know that you’re not really into food so much.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
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Movement Snacks
Want to know the best kind of snack? A movement snack.
Not too long ago, I heard celebrity trainer, Kira Stokes, talk about the idea of “movement snacks”. She explained that these are the little bite-sized moments of the day where you figure out how to integrate movement into your routine.
For instance, maybe you work in an office and sit most of your day. Okay, that’s fine… but you have walls, so why not get up and do 10 wall push-ups?
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Like Crystal
In today’s chapter of “let’s be more conscious”, I wanted to talk about the power of getting CLEAR. What is “CLEAR”? Well, let me tell you… it’s an acronym that this woman here totally made up to help others… (I never said I wasn’t a little geeky.)
While reflecting recently on what’s been most helpful for me over the years on my path of self-development, I started to unpack 5 things I think I do well
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All That Jazz
Ladies and gentleman, for the first-time ever, I’d like to announce some exciting news – groundbreaking, a thriller, a real once-in-a-lifetime, “I can’t believe she did it” kind of update…yours truly has just gone to see a play all by herself.
*Hold for applause as the crowd goes wild.*
Okay, dramatic? Perhaps. But this is about the stage, after all… As such, I thought I’d talk a bit about my first-ever experience going to the theatre alone.
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Bravery
What do you think of when you hear the word “brave”?
For me, that word is all about facing fear and challenge. It’s about trying new things. It’s about being vulnerable. There’s a ton of ways we can do this in our everyday lives, and probably a lot of ways that we don’t usually acknowledge.
Recently, I’ve been trying to embark on some adventures
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Addiction
I had just flown back from Portugal when I read the text. “Kayla, it was so nice meeting you! I’m glad we had an instant connection. I feel like you’re my sister, and family is so important. After what happened to G last night, I’m sure we both feel that now.”
…”what happened to G last night”
I asked my cousin what she meant and she regretfully broke the news that my cousin who lived in Toronto had passed away.
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A Delicate Subject
I finally did it. I was nervous because it was my first time. The anxiety was strong. My heart was racing. My legs were trembling. It hurt somewhat, but I pulled through. I did it.
I got my first pap smear.
Alright, ladies… let’s talk about it. It’s not fun, that’s for sure. In my own case, I had been able to avoid this uncomfortable rite of passage for a long time. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was a late bloomer with sex.
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Communal Healing
Not too long ago, I spoke to a friend who said that after a bad breakup, she went inward and did solo work for years until she felt ready to date again. She proclaimed that people should follow her example – especially if they experience jealousy or insecurity- and “work on their shit”, so they can date when they’re ready again. Two or three years ago, I would’ve agreed with her fully; it’s a cliché soundbite right up there with “love yourself first”. But my sentiment is a bit more nuanced these days…
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Under the Weather
I remember once chatting with Pawel and being taken aback when he said he kind of enjoyed being sick. He saw it as just one other life experience and said if you could take a step back, it’s kind of cool to imagine what’s happening inside of you. At the time, I thought “uhhh no.” I’m generally pretty laid-back, but I do have health anxiety (another post for another time), so I definitely don’t enjoy the experience of being under the weather and I’m usually quite eager to get well soon.
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Silent Prayers
A few days ago, I found myself outside of a banquet hall. I was waiting for an event to begin and across the street, I noticed a woman waiting for a bus. It was chilly and although it was daytime, the area seemed pretty remote. I found myself throwing up a message to God asking for her to be okay. In the next breath, I wondered, “WHY do I do this?”
It’s not abnormal for me to engage in quick silent prayers.
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Well, just call me Britney because “Oops, I did it again”!
Last year, I received an offer to emcee the largest start-up competition that my organization offers. I was introduced by the President and spoke to a crowd of hundreds in-person (and online). I recall feeling proud that some of my jokes landed so well. I was also proud that I challenged myself because taking the stage is NOT something I would’ve volunteered to do, as I often prefer to support others in the background. My old school teachers would’ve been shocked…
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No Limelight, Please
The other day I was chatting with a friend about how much I enjoy writing, and she asked, “have you thought about starting your own blog?”
I explained to her that in the past, I had my own blog, but it wasn’t for me. I found myself justifying why, but that got me to thinking: has the “boss babe” thing gone too far?
For what it’s worth, I know I have what some might call an “entrepreneurial spirit”.
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Understanding Trust
When speaking to friends about relationships (of all kinds), I often hear phrases like: “it comes down to trust”, or “I’ll trust until (s)he gives me a reason not to”. Now, at first glance, these seem like indisputable statements. However, I have to be honest. I take issue to them greatly—especially the second.
The notion of trusting blindly until you’re given a reason not to has always seemed somewhat backwards to me.
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Lessons from McEnroe
About two summers ago, I went down the YouTube rabbit hole and watched a bunch of tennis videos. Now, to be clear, I am not a tennis player. It started innocently enough – I clicked onto one clip and the next thing I knew, the platform only recommended more and more. Recently, a few of these videos started to surprisingly pop up again.
On a whim, I decided to click onto this interview featuring John McEnroe.
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Bible Study
Over the summer, I tried to embark on a journey to read the bible from front to back. To date, I have not completed this task. In truth, it has been really challenging for me. So, I’ve taken a break and have instead decided to watch faith-based podcasts and occasionally attend friends’ churches – both worship and discussion groups. It’s been interesting to see how people interpret certain passages and make sense of themselves in a secular world as people who believe in God.
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A Stone, A Tree, and A Massage
When Pawel first welcomed me aboard to share some words here, he encouraged me to highlight things that have made an impact on my spiritual journey. While I believe I’ve been doing that, I recently came to the realization that there are just so many other things that I could be putting out there.
Today, I wanted to share with you all a really profound spoken word poem. It’s one that I first became acquainted with in 2011.
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A Stone, A Tree, and A Massage
This past summer was a roller coaster. So much of life is filled with ups and downs, and this couldn’t have been truer for my experience. After some plans shifted on me unexpectedly, I found myself asking what I could do to make sure that I stayed peaceful despite the curveball thrown my way. Here’s what happened…
I dove into new events. Kicking things off with a “Holistic Healing Fair”
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Just Dance!
A while ago, I wrote this piece on the power of music for me.
Here’s the thing. I love music SO much, that one piece could never suffice. So as an update to that post, I present you with a list of more feel-good moments in movies that involve some pretty great tunes and pretty sweet acting.
May your spirits be lifted – you’re welcome!
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Sports and Business
Today, I thought I’d tackle a topic I’m a huge expert in: sports. Okay, so “expert” is maybe a slight exaggeration there. Although I did just recently go to my first NBA game, and I’ve decided that I most definitely could go pro now – sooooo screenshot this while you can!
But in all seriousness, my day job allows me a wonderful opportunity to speak with entrepreneurs from all walks of life.
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Not The End
“We started today as a family of four. I’m not ready to end it as a family of three”. This is the sentence my brother would later tell me imprinted on his brain on the worst night of our lives. We had been sitting in a parking lot when my mother called.
“You guys need to come back to the hospital. Dad is going into surgery tonight.”
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“Goodbye Houston, Hello Dallas!”
This year, I had the opportunity to go to Dallas, Texas, for a work conference. Now, to be clear, I never once envisioned heading to Texas. It wasn’t exactly a place on my “must-see” list. But, over the last couple of years, I’ve really tried to keep an open mind and try new things. So, I accepted the offer to co-facilitated a discussion on how AI could support start-up founders and bought my plane ticket with that open mind urging me to go.
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Podium Jitters
At this point in my career, I’ve been asked to speak publicly quite a number of times. It’s not easy still, but with some reflection on this subject matter, I wanted to offer a few tips since I recognize people rank public speaking as one of their greatest fears of all!
Remember Your Audience
Simon Sinek very eloquently articulates here that the best public speakers are the ones who come to give.
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We’re Butterflies!
We are not who we were yesterday. I mean, we are. But we’re not.
As I sat in my graduate school classroom and heard my cohort discuss their frustrations with their students, this back and forth about identity is all I could contemplate. For context, my cohort was filled with school teachers. I was earning my Masters in Education from a renowned institution that was known for training teachers and guidance counsellors.
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It All Comes Together
Say what you will, but I love puzzles! Most people I tell this to think this is odd – especially since I prefer to do them by myself. Family and friends marvel at the pieces before me when I first dump them out and usually comment about how they would not have the patience. And of course, there are the friends who think I belong in a retirement home. But I love puzzles for so many reasons.
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Why I Love When Harry Met Sally
I’m coming up on an anniversary and it’s a big one! This February will be ten years of me spending Valentine’s Day cuddled up in a big blanket watching When Harry Met Sally.
In a previous post (or two), I’ve referenced this film as being my favourite rom-com, and I’ve been thinking lately about whether or not I should dedicate a whole post to this movie and why I love it so much.
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Small Moments
For so much of our lives, we’re bombarded with messages about dreaming big. We’re encouraged to travel to some paradise location, get married, have children, land a stellar six-figure job, etc.
While all of these things can illicit a feeling of happiness, I’d like to make the case that what we all need more of in this life is an appreciation for what the little moments can mean.
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Watch Your Language
Loving language as someone who is trying to be spiritually aware is a funny thing. Many gurus will try to remind you that like with so much else in this life, language is just a construct. It’s hard to dispute that. And even people who love literature can attest to the famous Shakespearean quote, “a rose by any other name will still smell just as sweet.” So, is language just a system created by people to communicate? Yes. And is there any meaning behind these words? Also yes!
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What I Hate About The Spiritual Community
This one is kind of a hard post to write if I’m being honest. I already feel as if I’ve been outcast from Feminist groups for asking too many questions, so it’s kind of scary to “take on” a new group. Yet, here I go… A few years ago, I really made an effort to lean into myself a bit more and allow myself to be open to new experiences. As part of that process, I admitted I didn’t know it all. I started experimenting with new schools of thought, and I let go of a lot of structure—some of my closest friends can attest to how I’ve changed over the years.
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All About The Music
Music is a powerful tool. For me, I find so much healing through a good song. Whether the lyrics literally speak to me and give me something to ponder, or the beat just uplifts my spirit, it is something I can always rely on. And I know I’m not alone—there’s so much science behind music and its impact on us; but for me, I’m all about the stories.
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Travel Guide – Kayla Style
This summer, I promised myself to say “yes” to new opportunities to travel. I definitely am not someone who needs to do this as a regular habit, but having never really explored other places during childhood, I knew this could be a transformative experience that would also give me a much needed break away from routine.
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Just Quirky Enough
Driving with me is super fun, I swear! But parking with me… well, bring some snacks. I am definitely one to strategize in this department. I’m astounded at people who can effortlessly pull their vehicle into an empty spot and then just…like… leave it. I have preferences!
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Let’s Talk About Sex
I’ve recently been reading City of Girls by Liz Gilbert. The book focuses heavily on female sexuality in the 1940s, and sadly, so many statements expressed in the novel continue to be uttered today. Needless to say, I’ve been pondering a few of those messages and wondering what I would prefer to share with my daughter instead.
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A Daughter of the Island
“I’ve never left Canada.” For years, that has been my favourite line to say during icebreaker games of Two Truths and a Lie. Most people can’t fathom the possibility that someone has been born and raised in a country without ever having ventured somewhere else. But as of very recently, my go-to line for the icebreaker is no longer something I can use.
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Ready to Run
I’ve always been a person to believe that you can tell a lot about someone’s character when times are tough. It’s easy to be kind and positive when things are going well in life. To maintain that energy, however, when things are stormy is a whole other question. It’s easy and more gratifying to fly off the handle, project problems onto someone else, or run away to something “fun.”
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Gardens – A sequel: Let it Bloom
I suppose it’s the season – I just can’t get flower imagery out of my head. So, as a follow-up to my last post, I thought I would talk about the need to let things bloom in their own time.
As someone who is very much a “late bloomer” in life, the idea of being odd or weird has certainly plagued me from time to time. Very often, I felt left behind because of my anxieties.
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Gardens
Years ago, I heard a relationship and sex therapist talk about the importance of treating people like gardens. He said that in our interactions with others, we should always aspire to leave things better than how we found them.
That’s really stuck with me over the years. Imagine how life would be if we entered into each other’s spaces with a sense of awe and appreciation?
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Try Something New
When I was in graduate school, I befriended a lot of “different” people. They practiced yoga, ate vegan food, and played with tarot cards. I, on the other hand, read books and enjoyed quiet movie nights in with my family while enjoying a delicious carnivorous dinner. So, it was a shock to my system when I found myself suddenly surrounded by people who had such different interests.
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We Are It All
For a very long time, I have been mistaken for what many would call an extrovert. As a person who often breaks the silence in groups and can be fairly animated, I can’t say I’m surprised for the misperception. To be honest, I even tried to convince myself of this identity for many years.
People were always complimenting me for being so gregarious and having seen first-hand how in the workplace, louder voices often appear more esteemed, it made sense to go along with that false identity.
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Caring Less
People often tell me I have a calming presence. My most anxious family members and friends say that they enjoy speaking with me because I put things in perspective. I remind them that as complicated or stressful as things may seem, the world will continue to turn. Problems aren’t usually that big, after all, and in the grand scheme of things, what we worry about today won’t even be remembered 5 days from now, much less 5 years from now.
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Kudos Folders
How many times a day does your mind wander to fixate on something you could have done better? Many of us will often have that experience of doubting ourselves and our capabilities. So, what’s the solution? Well, that’s actually a deep question and I’m not going to address the entirety of it here… but I’ll present a band-aid that can still work wonders.
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Talk Nerdy to Me, Ted!
Learning is not something that’s limited to some building with one solitary teacher. In my opinion, the best learning is so often self-directed and comes from natural curiosity. Thanks to technology, we can access so much more information than ever before, and there are fewer limitations surrounding us.
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Totally Healed and Everything’s Fine
When I was a little girl, my father worked in construction. Every day, the alarm would sound at 4:30am and he would groggily make his way downstairs to the kitchen. My mother would trail behind him. As he set his coffee to brew, he’d run into the shower while she made and packed his lunch for the day.
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Follow with Grace
“Leadership” has become a buzz word in recent times. It really doesn’t take much searching before a person can find themselves bombarded with self-development talks and blogs. Whether it’s Simon Sinek highlighting the importance of finding your “why” or Tony Robbins…well… being Tony Robbins.
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Lessons From Recess
When I was a child, I can vividly remember staring at the clock, eagerly awaiting the recess bell to ring. We had three a day; two 15-minute breaks and one half-hour after lunch. As adults, I think it’s interesting to think back to this time and ponder why so many of us loved those periods so much.
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Loving Love
The holidays are a strange time… For anyone who has lost a loved one, lacks a stable family life, or is just simply single at this time of year, it can be especially tough to be surrounded by so much cultural emphasis on love, especially romantic love.
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Weight Loss – No Secrets
As a small child, I didn’t struggle with weight. Thanks to a fast metabolism and rambunctious activity, I was pretty trim. But my family didn’t exactly make healthy choices. I was the product of a household that had bottles of soda delivered to the door.
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New Year, New Moon
It’s that time of year again. People are committing to dropping pounds, buying flashy cars, and signing up for dating apps to find their soulmates. However, as a person who has quite some reservation around the notion of New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach.
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You Don’t Own Them
If it hasn’t happened yet, someone may cheat on you. They might abandon you. They could betray you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Where am I going with this depressing insight?
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Space and Solitude
For years, I’ve taken refuge in quiet moments sitting in darkness.
We live in such a fast-paced world. Between the traffic, newsfeeds, and text messages, it sometimes feels like we’re surrounded by everyone except ourselves.
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Workshop, Don’t Dictate
Over the years, I have had the incredible privilege to work alongside many young adults. One thing that has always astounded me is how much they are able to teach me with their creativity, ideas, and resilience.
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Good Deeds
Not too long ago, I was riding the subway into High Park. There was an elderly woman who couldn’t get a seat and was struggling to keep her balance while standing. As a fairly competent subway surfer – and a decent human being – I offered her my seat. Once we traded places, I felt good about myself.
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Declutter Your Space, Declutter Your Mind
Several years ago, I began a journey of decluttering. This was before Marie Kondo took the world by storm, or at least before I knew she was on that path of tidy revolution. My own process sparked from something as simple as just not wanting to dust.
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Emotional Bandwidth
The last couple of weeks have gone by in a blur. I’ve switched jobs, seen a dear friend marry the love of her life, and parted ways with an old friend.
In the midst of so much transition, I’ve been a flurry of emotions.
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Hike This Way
Serious question: how do you walk?
As a person who loves to hike and go on nature walks, I’ve been trying to observe how my personality makes itself apparent while outdoors. And I’ve been paying special attention to the patterns that show themselves with my friends and family.
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For the Love of Books
“She loves books!” my mother called out to my aunt as a one-year-old me tore open a Christmas gift. As I think back to watching old home videos, that moment is still etched in my mind. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved the sight, feel, and experience of a book.
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In Defense of the Suburbs
In the last year, I feel as if I’ve met a record number of people who want to leave the city. Some talk about retiring young in South America, others want to make new lives for themselves in Europe. The reasons are the same. It’s boring here. Our way of living is backwards. We work too much. I’ll admit that I’ve certainly had these thoughts cross my own mind in the past.
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Cool Cats – Conscious Humans (Female Edition)
About a year ago, this article was posted for the Be Human, Not a Zombie community to help you find some interesting thought leaders. While that first post highlighted some great male voices that could help enrich one’s spiritual journey, female voices were saved for a later date… Surprise!! Today is that date 🙂
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Must Drive Stick
“He likes too many pictures of girls in bikinis,” my friend lamented one afternoon, as we walked through the park. Feeling disheartened from what her social media stalking had turned up about her most recent OKcupid find, she needed a vent-session. It seemed that her suitor’s interest in beach bodies was not the only thing upsetting her.
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Playtime
When I was a little girl, my brother and I used to play in our front yard. Often, we would throw a tennis ball against the brick of our house and caught it when it bounced back towards us. We didn’t have much room to work with, but some days, our neighbours would go out and we stood on their driveway; this allowed us to have more distance from the wall.
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From Pain to Forgiveness
“Do you have a list of people who you feel anger towards?” This was the question that my conflict resolution instructor asked, as we started the day’s class. I had been in a bit of a professional rut, so deciding to take career growth into my own hands, I signed up for a leadership certification program and this was a required course.