It shouldn’t be something new for you to realize that this human vehicle that you are a part of currently has certain urges. Chances are that because of these urges you suffer more than you need to. You beat yourself up after the urge has made you do things that you normally wouldn’t, or you try to resist it because you think that will be the better option. Yet in both, you seem to be the victim.
Sometimes these urges make you step out of your comfort zone and do something positive though.
a strong desire or impulse
The urges themselves aren’t usually the problem, it’s that there is not much presence or awareness during the act of the urge and therefore it’s like you aren’t in the driver’s seat, but more like a hostage being forced in being part of the act.
The key to urge behavior is to start working on being present as often as possible throughout your day. Especially in normal everyday activities, like getting ready in the morning, driving, washing dishes, walking, etc. If you start being able to be the awareness of the moment, rather than just captured by the mind activity as you are frequently, then you can take on a situation without being overtaken by it.
This is a skill that can be learned. Basically, all that is happening is that you are creating a distance between yourself and your mind and therefore if a situation occurs you aren’t sucked in by it but can see it and then act if you choose to.
Once you are able to be present during simple acts like the ones mentioned above, it will be good to practice being present during moments when the urge or desire is strong. This is best seen in times of anger or sadness, in times of hunger, or when sexual energy is very intense. During these times, especially it will be very difficult for you to not get captured by the power of the urge and chances are that since this is the case once you wake up (urge passes) you will be mostly left annoyed or frustrated that it overtook you.
Another challenging part with this is that urges usually make you choose lower conscious options as those are the easiest and most convenient.
Based on my own experience a powerful practice is being able to observe yourself while you masturbate since this is something you do privately and are more in control of the situation. Notice what your mind uses to turn you on with. Can you maintain enough presence to see that the touching you are doing is one thing (sensations that occur in the area), but the mental activity that goes on (thoughts and images) are what continue to generate the strong desire to continue. A key practice is to notice what the fuel is because many times it’s just programmed by society and not really high conscious stuff that will fulfill your being.
Don’t take urges as bad or good, just start observing them as fully raw as possible. Drop all ideas about them and just be the observer as totally as possible, because this way you can have a direct experience of this happening rather than just taking other people’s ideologies about the situation. Urges happen to you, therefore you have the capability to investigate them and know the truth about them.